Today was quite full. We did lots of fun things - science experiments, cooking from Ancient Rome, and art, art, and more art. I could do art projects every day and do nothing else and be happy. Sigh.
But while I was scrubbing paint off the kitchen counters, stools, and from the grout between the floor tiles, I was thinking about next school year. Again. I feel like I'm sick in bed and the only thing on television is the same episode of the same re-run I've seen 100 times before, but I keep watching it rather than turn off the TV. Except in this case it's the same homeschooling questions over and over. I'm bored with it myself. I know that each year I go through a similar deliberation process. Why do I bother? I inevitably end up back where I started. I could save myself the time and just skip it. So what gives?
I firmly believe we do things over and over - even things which upon first glance may seem detrimental - because we get something out of it. Therefore, I must be getting something out of it. If a friend told me this story, I'd tell them something fantastically smart and encouraging, like "Clearly, you go through all the alternatives each year and end up choosing the same as before so that you can see how what you choose actually is the best for you and your family."
That would be so kind. I might even believe it if I were saying to someone other than me. But I am me and I don't believe myself for a second. Nope.
So. What do I get out of this self-inflicted torture? I don't know, but I'm working on figuring that out! Until then, I remain undecided about next year.